I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I believe in your delicious
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
