Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize