Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
