apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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