I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
