You're so nebulous sometimes
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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