I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
