I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
