the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
