Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
