he puts the penis in happiness.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
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