seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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