She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize