I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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