**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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