he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
