im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
