we have officially mastered the walk of shame
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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