There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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