There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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