so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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