We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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