that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
