she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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