I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize