Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
