Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Green mimosas i think yes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
