You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize