OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
