he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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