So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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