he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
