They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize