Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
