I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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