ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
