Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
