Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
