that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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