I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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