No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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