Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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