Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
