you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
