I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
