I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love having hate sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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