He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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