Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
