12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
COCAINE IS GR8
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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