I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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