I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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