that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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