did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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