But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
