i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
