Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
