in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's like heaven, but drunker
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize