yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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