dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
