Got a toothbrush?
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
