... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
