woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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