I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i love accidental penises.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
