She said her name was "party"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
