You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
