Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize