Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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