You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
