that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
