Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
