my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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