Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
