There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think my mom watched the whole time
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
