Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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