they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
