smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
