Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
