You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
