The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
