So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
