Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
