The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
