Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
