no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
