The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
