Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
