We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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