Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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