I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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