I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
