I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
