I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
