Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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