Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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