I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
