Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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