you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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