just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Im part way to drunk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
