You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it because I queefed?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize