let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
