I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
