it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He passed out mid-signature
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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