Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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