Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
