First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize