we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
