They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
