Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
