She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
FUCK WHALES
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
