They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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